Shell
by Mystic Blue Rose
Summary: Hitomi loses her bond with Van and falls into a deep depression. Can anyone snap her out of it?


I started this a while ago and just cranked out the ending last night.   
**Warnings:** Takes Place after Series! *spoilers* dark-ish, Hitomi cuts herself 

Shell   
By Mystic Blue (formerly Stargurl117/Stargurl) 

"See her? That's Kanzaki, man what a freak! She should be locked up!" 

"Her why?" 

"She's in my English class. She _talks_ to herself! I think she has a split personality cause she keeps talking about 'van' like it's a part of her or something!" 

"I heard she used to tell the future." 

"Yeah with tarot cards. My grandma says tarot cards are the work of the devil." 

"Oh come on you don't actually _ believe_ that do you?" 

"I didn't, until I met her!" 

The girls continue to stare at me as I walk down the hall to make my way to my home. They all say the same thing, even my friends. I no longer feel his presence anymore. I just woke up one day and it was gone. Van…I wish you were here….I miss you…. 

I lay on my bed, staring up at the ceiling searching for an answer among the endless white. What did I want anymore? I glanced over at my desk with the track picture of Yukari Amano and me. I missed them so much. My eyes seemed to grope the soft wood of the desk for an answer until they came to my top drawer. 

"What should I do…? What's going to happen to me…?" I walked to the desk and opened the drawer. My fingers felt along its contents: pens, pencils, paper, until I came to across a familiar small box. I knew it so well I didn't need sight to know what it looked like. Cautiously I brought the sky blue box out. 

I hadn't even looked at the box in years. I opened the box put the long cards in my hands and began to shuffle them. I set them down and drew the top card. The X of Birds it meant ruin and destruction. I felt a thousand knives slice against my skin as my eyes stared at the picture wanting to see more. I drew the next card. Death, it was a sign of the end of something and then rebirth. The warmth that the pillar of light had given me surrounded my body, but I quickly cut off the sensation. "Don't taunt me like that," I spat at the cards. 

I turned my attention to the X of Birds again. I felt the knives slash at my body and I hungered for more. In a trance I walked to the kitchen and opened the drawer with the knives. I pulled one out and gently ran my fingers along the blade. 

I wanted the sting of cut skin, it made all my other pain seen irrelevant. I ran the knife down the palm of my hand fascinated by the blood slowly beginning to surround the cut. The amount of blood grew larger and began to drip down my hand. 

I dropped the knife and watched it spin in circles on the floor. "What's wrong with me…?" I cried as I sank down on my knees. It's wrong to want to cut yourself, it's wrong to want to die, to be stuck in some blank painless void, I thought. _Do it anyway…_a voice in my head teased. _What has the world ever done for you? Your so-called friends ridicule you, your parents are too busy with your brother to notice you, and you can't talk to Van anymore. The one person who might understand how you feel is gone. What's the point of staying in this place?_

"What _is_ the point?" I ask picking up the knife again. Suddenly I became furious at all of them. How dare they! They don't know me! They don't know what I've been through! I don't judge them! I began slashing madly at my arms. What was the point? It's not like things are better! Oh God, take me away from here! "TAKE ME AWAY FROM HERE!!!" I screamed my voice echoed through the empty house. 

I stared down at now bloody arms and clothes. I felt light-headed. I flopped back on the cold, hard kitchen floor. My eyelids felt heavy and I felt cold. Tears burned my eyes and stung my cheeks. 

_"HITOMI!!!! HITOMI!!!!"_

What was that voice? It seemed familiar somehow…Like someone I once knew… I suddenly felt very warm… 

_"HITOMI!!! HITOMI!!! DON'T DIE HITOMI!!!!"_

***   
How was it? Worthy of continuing? Not worthy? Either way please tell me! 

**Tarot Cards:**If you are wondering (which you are prabably not) I read tarot cards so the meaning are correct (there are many meanings for each card though.) Also different decks of cards have different names for the suits.   
In Hitomi's deck, the suit of birds is also called the suit of Swords or Arrows or Lightning.   
The suit of Beasts =Pentacles, Coins, Stones.   
Serpents =Wands, Rods, Pipes, Rainbows,   
Fish = Cups I figured out which suit was which because I knew that each suit is represented by an element for swords it's air, so that would also be birds. Fish wouldn't work for any other element except water so I knew it was the same as cups and so on. 


End file.
